Give me understanding

Last year I experienced an extended period in what might be called the Dark Night of the Soul. One manifestation was the difficulty I experienced in hearing God (and experiencing His love/care) through the Word. As I'm walking into, perhaps, a new season, I've been cautious - scared of how to move forward as I study the Word; realizing that my expectations, perspectives, experiences can really affect my interaction with Scripture.

This spiritual crisis is a story for another time, but for today I just wanted to share what a gift this little section of Scripture has been to me the past few days. I have always loved Psalm 119, because it tells us why we should love His Word. The Bible itself recommends itself, and does so without exaggeration, because it is Truth. I can trust that the Bible is truth; strangely, this is the sort of circular logic that comforts, without distressing.

The whole chapter is great, and for that matter, the whole book of Psalms is splendid, and what the heck - the greater Book which contains it all is well worth our time. But for today, here's just a taste:

"Teach me, O Lord, to follow your decrees;
then I will keep them to the end.
Give me understanding, and I will keep your law
and obey it with all my heart.
Direct me in the path of your commands,
for there I find delight.
Turn my heart toward your statutes
and not toward selfish gain.
Turn my eyes away from worthless things;
preserve my life according to your word."

--Psalm 119:33-37



My reflections, as I wrote in my journal: I love the author's request for You to "teach [him]" - it's so true that we need You, as the Author, to be our Teacher. And, again he asks "give me," "direct me," "turn my heart," "turn my eyes," "fulfill your promises," "take away." His dependence models for me how I should posture myself before You. I need You to feed me.

The movement from verses 36 to 37 make sense: our hearts need to be turned first towards "your statutes" before we can turn our eyes "away from worthless things." You want us to know and understand that You are worthy, good, lovely so that we find no need to turn towards selfish gain. Perhaps, we are most satisfied when we find our hope in you. ("Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart" - both happen at the same time. That is, delight(ing) in God and finding the desires of our hearts become the same thing. They are equated through this verse; and yet, the order matters: we first delight ourselves in the Lord, and then we find our desires granted - that is, we find that He is our desire.)

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I am so thankful for how God used that passage. What really stood out the first time and made me tape it up on the bathroom mirror right after reading it was the request, "Give me understanding." (The journaling came later during a break at work over a free cup of half-caf from Starbucks.) I think I've been finding myself lost in knowing how to approach God and His Word, as my understanding and experiences cause me to change as I grow. I am thankful for this reminder to depend on Him to give me understanding. I think I am particularly thankful for this as I head off to Trinity; it is good to be reminded that He is the Source of understanding. "Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10).

I am humbled and grateful that He knew the Word I needed to hear to be refreshed.



When I can't feel you, I have learned to reach out just the same
When I can't hear you, I know you still hear every word I pray
And I want you more than I want to live another day
And as I wait for you maybe I'm made more faithful

-- Brooke Fraser's "Faithful"