In only three dates

(Kind of an experimental post, as many of these will be.)

So the random-est idea popped into my head this morning while walking to work; those of you who know my Strength of Ideation (or yourselves have Ideation) will not be surprised by this.

Anyway, I come with a question today, because more than anything, I really want to hear from you.

Among other things, I've been thinking a lot these days about simplicity - cutting out unnecessary things, things in our lives that aren't really who we are. (I shared this article with some of you that argues that finding simplicity lies not in ridding our lives of complexity, but rather of duplicity. Good read.) So I ask this question, in part, to learn about you: What is important to you and what are your values? How do you relate to people? When do you feel alive, known, and safe?

So, without further ado, the question is this:

If you could have only three dates with someone, what would you want to occur during those dates in order to determine if this were It?

I like these kinds of questions because they make us cut away at the stuff that's less necessary; I mean, not to say that having fun and goofing around aren't important - I'll be the last person to tell you that, or live it out - but sometimes I, for one, can get lost in other stuff that I forget the priorities. I've been noticing this in myself, lately.

And plus, I love questions that get to the heart of people. I love to ask, "What makes you who you are? What do you value? Who are you?"

For me, my thoughts were along the lines of this:

Date #1: I'd like to see how this guy does around company. I love entertaining and hosting, so I'd like to know how he is around guests - is he gracious, does he take initiative, does he create space for others, is he aware of their needs, is he more focused on the guest than on what others think of him, all that. (These are questions I need to ask myself, again and again.)

Date #2: As hard as it would be, I would like to see what this guy is like when he disagrees with me. What is his posture as he listens? To what extent does he seek to understand more than he does to agree/disagree? How does he live out humility? How does he (or how do we) bring God into this? How would we move forward, bring the right people into the discussion? (Again, setting up this question challenges me: am I secure enough in myself to be comfortable disagreeing with someone, or freely stating my opinion when I know it is not shared? Definitely still growing in that department.)

Okay, I think I'm going to wait to hear from you guys/gals about your thoughts before I decide on Date #3. (Still floating around: maybe something about how that person handles disappointment, when things don't go his way.) I'm sure I'll be blown away by the breadth of perspectives, even among the small number of you. I want to hear your great ideas. Or you can tell me that mine are nuts.




[Thanks, Annie, my ideation friend, for helping think through this. You're a real pal.]